by

Paul Stewart

Copyright, Paul Stewart. May be downloaded, duplicated and read outloud by anyone seriously considering production. Can not be performed without written permission. (A video of the show is available.)

CAST: LARRY - 40s

ROSE - 20s

CLARK - 30s

MELISSA - 30s

SETTING: A small vacation cabin up in the woods.

SCENE ONE: A summer Friday afternoon just before dusk.

SCENE TWO: A short while later after sunset.

SCENE THREE: A couple hours later, about 11:00 PM.

SCENE FOUR: About 2:00 AM the next morning.

SCENE ONE:

The lights come up to reveal a scene that is part forest cabin, part forest. About two thirds of the stage is the interior of a small vacation cabin. It is a simple remote cabin used for weekend getaways. The furnishings are mix-matched and beat up. There is a claustrophobic look to the place, but it also has a rugged charm.

There are some pictures on the wall, books and other items that suggests the owners of the cabin are urban dwellers who have money to spend, but are simply more concerned about the view outside, than the one inside.

A door leads to the bedroom and another leading to a bathroom. The front door opens onto a wooden deck that takes up the other third of the stage. The deck has wooden railings revealing that the cabin is built on a slop and there is a vast view into the woods.

[The first production September '96, used a working front door set near the back wall. The door frame was the only existing part of the wall. From there a board was put down across the stage to suggest the invisible wall that divides outside from inside. Video tape and photos are available.]

The cabin is small and cramped-looking while the forest outside seems wide open. The trees reach toward the sky dwarfing the cabin. It is late afternoon on a warm summer day. During the course of the scene dusk begins to fall.

CLARK CARSON enters porch area. CLARK is in his mid 30s.

He is not bad looking, but as someone who grew up in a family of wealth that gave him whatever he wanted, he wishes he had been given more of what women find attractive. He is easy-going, caring, snobbish and often insecure, all at once.

CLARK is followed by ROSE CARLYLE. ROSE is in her mid 20s, with a wide-eyed Barbie doll look to her. She is pretty and graceful, yet part of her suggests she had an up bringing that was the opposite of CLARK'S.

ROSE grew up without a father in a rural area trailer park. But she has a strong spirit, often hidden. She is a sweetheart and a fast learner. ROSE has an innocence and a confidence that can only come from being loved and wanted from a large over-protective family. Yet a dysfunctional family where she is the hero.

-2-

ROSE can often seem sheepish. She is intimated by the wealth and education of her co-workers, while also amused at their dependence on money and gadgets to be happy. CLARK is a free spirit who sings and dances around to rebel against his conservative upbringing, but he is dependent on gadgets and money to be happy.

CLARK and ROSE are carrying a large ice chest. ROSE carries a grocery bag with her free hand while CLARK holds a cell phone with his. They set the chest and the bag on the porch. ROSE is singing to herself.

* NOTE: Most of the play was written during the summer of '96. Obviously some of the topical subjects would need to be changed for future productions. Playwrite is happy to do it.]

CLARK (on cell phone)

No, no, no. I work down in the city. Carson/Tyrone. We develop commercial real estate. Management, consulting, investor services, you know. Okay, call me back as soon as you know.

CLARK puts phone away. He checks the front door and it's locked. He begins to dig in the fire wood and flower pots. ROSE sings out to the woods. Her voice is lovely. CLARK yells "uh, hah!" as he finds a key hidden in a flower pot. He unlocks door and enters cabin. The room is dusty, the air stale.

CLARK is in a very whimsical mood as if he has just walked into the cabin door from a party. ROSE stops singing and enters the room worried that she is trespassing while also liking the thrill of it. She looks around the room with great curiosity.

CLARK barely glances around and begins to sing and dance about. He uses the cellphone in his hand as a microphone. He is educated and can be amusing as he has a strong passion for the arts, but he has no talent.

CLARK (sings)

I wonder what it would have been like. If I didn't have you in my life. All I wanna do is...

See you naked, see you naked

See you naked tonight.

ROSE (uncomfortable)

Clark, are you sure we should be here?

CLARK

Of course...were not supposed to be here!...We're fine, I know the owners! They won't care.

-3-

ROSE

Clark, we shouldn't be doing this.

CLARK

What do you think of my song? I've been working on it all week...Rose?

ROSE

(ignoring the question)

This little cabin is cute, in a sort of Salvation Army way.

CLARK

Sure. If you need a small out of the way place to do a little writing, maybe get caught up on your hobby - making home made bombs.

(sings)

He wrote a manifesto, he was a man without a tan-o. Spent all his time indoors in Montan-o.

ROSE

Who would think they would have ta pack a set of ear plugs on a trip up into the woods?!

CLARK closes the door, gives Rose an exaggerated sexual look.

CLARK

(talk/singing)

All I can do is think of the things that remind me of you.

ROSE

What if the owners show up?

CLARK

I'll tell them you're the best damn secretary I've ever...had!

ROSE

I can't believe you talked me into this. We shouldn't be doing this.

CLARK

I do it any chance I get.

(unbuttons top two

buttons of shirt)

-4-

ROSE

What happened to Larry and Melissa? They were right behind us.

CLARK

Lar is probably showing Melissa around by the creek...This place

is decorated in "Early Depression."

Just be lucky we made it here before my engine blew up.

(makes explosion sound)

ROSE

How long has this little cabin been here?

CLARK

(thinking)

Oh, it was built when I was about 12. One summer I rode my minibike here from my parents' cabin. I remember I peeked through the bedroom window over there and saw Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery in the buff, buck naked! They were just going at it like a couple rabbits! The Indians that used to live in these parts have a saying for

"woman with big chest."

Now Mrs Montgomery, she had a-

ROSE is ignoring CLARK. CLARK sneaks up behind her

and puts his arms around her. In a flash she grabs his arm, while sweeping one leg under his feet. With this Judo move, he ends up sprawled on the floor.

CLARK groans. She bends over him keeping him in an arm lock.

ROSE

You're worse than Larry! You

invite me up here. I didn't want to go. You promised I'd learn cultural type stuff from you college grads if I listened real good.

CLARK

(correcting her)

Listened "well!"

ROSE

What's the word you used?

-5-

CLARK

Help?

(she twists his arm)

Oh, Matriculate. M-A-T-

R-I-C-

ROSE

Yes! You think I don't know much about Ted Kaczinski do you?

CLARK

Spell it!

ROSE

Every time I ask a question that has nothing to do with sex or naked people, the whole time in the car you guys give me answers that have to do with sex and naked people!

CLARK

Well?

ROSE

Well, what about Mr. Montgomery, I wanna know how was he built?

(mischievous grin)

CLARK

Ah, you know when you're a kid things seem larger?

ROSE rises and helps CLARK up. They both giggle. Then the action focuses onto the wooden deck adjoining the cabin as the two other characters enter. The cabin door is closed so they do not see ROSE and CLARK. The cabin wall where the front door is can divide the action into two separate areas. So often a sort of spilt screen affect occurs.

ROSE and CLARK ad-lib talking and laughing quietly, the attention is thrown to LARRY TYRONE. He enters from stage left as if he has just walked up a couple steps on to the deck. He is in his mid 40s. He has thinning, graying hair, has grown thick in the waist and looks run down. However, what makes LARRY still appear handsome somehow is a look that suggests he was once princely handsome. He can carry himself in a tired looking way, but there are also plenty of lingering hints of the athletic grace his body once possessed.

LARRY is a lot like CLARK in that he is a showman with intellect. And unlike CLARK, he is an excellent business man. Yet LARRY must sells himself, needing to be wanted by everyone, more so in middle age.

-6-

LARRY grew up in the same rural "other side of the tracks" area as ROSE, except his now long gone family "couldn't afford a trailer." LARRY has gifts and talents that made him escape living at the poverty line while still a teenager. Now he feels he is going back to being unwanted and asks himself if he was ever really wanted at all? While CLARK is a rich kid, well over 30 but forever wanted, in spite of his lack of discipline or talent.

MELISSA STRANFORD enters porch following LARRY. MELISSA is attractive and in her mid 30s. She is the only member of the group who had a solid middle class upbringing. With two loving parents and none of the trappings of too little or too much money. MELISSA has always been a wanted and welcomed person. And fun to be around despite her shrewdness.

MELISSA is well grounded, and a very forceful '90s businesswoman. But with all the trappings of uppermiddle class wealth she now has, she wonders about the compromises she has made. She is used to getting her own way by taking it. Her parents put her through

college and graduate school only because she demanded it.

Before LARRY entered the porch he could be heard singing in the distance. He has an excellent singing voice that echoes through the woods. He is singing and performing for MELISSA as if he is on stage doing a solo show tune. He finishes the song with an exaggerated emotion, touching his heart and gazing in her eyes, as if he expects her to break down and cry afterward. Ala Tom Jones in the woods.

LARRY

(singing while walking)

Living in the clouds at the end of the rainbow, there has to be something more for your heart to follow.

(pauses to finish song)

The problem with being a God is tomorrow is forever. Maybe it's not enough, will I ever, will I ever fall in love.

MELISSA

(claps)

What a voice! Larry, every deer, squirrel and chipmunk within 25 miles is pricking up their little ears saying, "who was that guy?"

(looks around)

This place is charming.

-7-

LARRY

Spare me, it's a dive. Built only to be used a few weekends a year as a getaway.

MELISSA

(she hears laughter from inside cabin)

They got in. What are you two doing in there!?

LARRY

Hey, why's the door shut?

CLARK opens door part way and sticks his head out.

CLARK

Rose went wild on me! I told her, "no, let's just be friends." I forgot she has brothers who taught her Jujitsu...OWW, LET GO!

CLARK pretends he is been grabbed from behind and then dragged inside. The door slams shut.

LARRY

I'm next. Hurry up!

MELISSA

She knows Judo?

The ice chest and a grocery bag are still on the porch. LARRY picks up the ice chest and waves it around.

LARRY

Cock-tails!

MELISSA

I could use a drink after two hours in a car with you and Clark.

LARRY opens the ice chest and takes out a bottle of champagne.

LARRY

I want to hide this, save it for tomorrow night.

MELISSA

That's the good stuff? What is it?

-8-

LARRY

(pretending to read label)

1975, Vintage Liquid Panty Remover. Feed date whole bottle to induce nudity...

LARRY hides the bottle behind a stack of firewood.

MELISSA

(she shakes head)

Just what Rose was talking about! How did you talk me into riding in the same car with you two?

LARRY

We all work for the same company yet we don't get enough of a chance to talk.

MELISSA

Talk? Rose thinks "Oh, I'll ride in a car with people who

have graduate degrees. We'll

talk about art, literature, poetry."

Instead all you guys talk about is

people being naked!

LARRY

What? Some of the most famous art in history is art consisting of naked people. Utter nudists. In almost every classic painting and statue there are no clothes to be found. And as for literature, Clark wrote a poem in the car.

MELISSA

A poem? It was called The Legend of John Bobbitt! Does every other word that comes out of your mouth have to have to do with sex?

LARRY

Do you want me to stop?

MELISSA

No, I just wanted to know.

(she smiles and sighs)

When you and Clark really do talk about art and literature,

it gets really boring.

-9-

LARRY enters cabin. MELISSA picks up the ice chest and bag of food by herself. She groans at LARRY for not helping, then enters.

Once all four begin to interact the director's palette extends far beyond words. The audience must learn about the situation the characters are in from their mostly nonverbal behavior.

Basically it is like this: ROSE and CLARK are friends, she finds CLARK'S sexual innuendoes to be overall harmless and fun to compete with. MELISSA feels the same way about LARRY'S endless sexual references.

But ROSE does not like it when LARRY does the same joking around with her. And MELISSA is uncomfortable with CLARK'S sexual jokes. LARRY and CLARK have a brother-like love-hate relationship. ROSE and MELISSA are just beginning to be friends.

The problem is CLARK had hoped to use this weekend trip to tell MELISSA that he has grown to have very strong feelings for her, and does not just want to jump into bed with her. And LARRY has strong feelings about using the weekend trip to jump into bed with ROSE.

The females are both liberal, experienced and far from prudes. However, what is harmless to one can be offensive to the other.

LARRY

(snears at decor)

"Getaway" fits this place. It looks like a 1920s hideout for gangsters.

MELISSA

(intrigued by odd decor)

Naw, this is an interesting little cabin.

ROSE

That's what I said!

LARRY

I now have an overwhelming desire to build a pipe bomb.

CLARK

That's what I said!

CLARK plops on the couch.

-10-

CLARK

We can hole up in here until the tow truck comes. I'm sure the Montgomerys' won't care. 'cause they won't know.

Eventually they all make themselves comfortable. They nibble on the snack food and drink beverages out of the ice chest.

LARRY

(looking at ceiling)

These dimensions reminds me of the old pool house. Rose, did you know how I first met Clark? When he was little and I was a teenager, I moved into his parents' pool house.

MELISSA

The Kato Kalin of the 1960s!

LARRY

Except unlike him, I actually worked around the house and I had this tiny little remote shred of talent.

CLARK

What is this business of thinking people have to have talent if they want to express themselves?

MELISSA

Rose, do you know Judo?

ROSE

Well, my brother was a wrestling champ for Westgate High.

(gives Clark a look)

He taught me how to slam guys to the floor.

LARRY

(glares at Rose)

I went to the same high school.

I'll bet you can't pin me? Three time CVC champ.

(Rose forces a smile)

-11-

CLARK

Ha, when bell bottoms were popular!...I want to finish the debate we started before my car started acting up.

(reciting/singing)

There was a man. Just an ordinary man. His wife had knife. Not an ordinary knife...

MELISSA

(to Rose, annoyed)

What is a guy with his talent doing in commercial real estate?

LARRY

No rhythm, no meter. No-

(recites stanza with

a voice like a pro)

Therefore I lie with her and she with me, And in our faults by lies we flattered be.

CLARK

That was OK.

LARRY

He calls Shakespeare, "OK!."

LARRY touches ROSE'S shoulder and speaks to her as if he is enlightening her.

LARRY (to Rose)

His first name was Bill.

(with distaste)

Clark is a pedestrian with the English word.

CLARK

Shakespeare's dead. I'm alive,

I write my own lyrics to celebrate life and its along the lines of poetry!

LARRY

Actually there is no such animal as "bad poetry." So you don't

compose-

CLARK

It comes from my soul. I don't have to depend on dead people for my poetry like you do.

LARRY

Doggerel.

-12-

LARRY puts his arm around ROSE for a moment.

LARRY

Ah, Rose, doggerel means really bad poetry.

ROSE

(moving away)

I'm sure it does.

CLARK puts his hand on MELISSA'S shoulder for a moment.

CLARK

Melissa, didn't you say you liked that poem I recited about the guy who came to the office to wash windows and how you could see right through him?

MELISSA

No.

CLARK

(changing subject)

Aw, I want to finish our debate.

LARRY

Why bother? The ladies are wrong and simply will not admit it. All women are wrong in general.

MELISSA

(sneers at Larry)

WHAT?

LARRY

About the topic of our debate!

Concerning whether it is ever right for someone to take the law into their own hands. Particularly concerning castration or mutilation. Not that all women are wrong in general about everything.

CLARK

Although they are. I'm kidding. You simply do not have the external reproductive equipment to make those kind of random decisions about legal rights.

-13-

ROSE

(sneers at Clark)

'C mon! Are you worried someday women will be allowed to vote?

(looks at Melissa)

MELISSA

Their thinking is Chauvinistic.

From the ice age.

ROSE

Didn't you see the special on TV

about these guys? They found two cave men in the snow and thawed them out.

MELISSA

(laughs)

Dressed them in denim and gave them cellular phones!

CLARK

This has nothing to do with chauvinism!

ROSE

Yes it does. Melissa and I are right.

MELISSA

Women in general are right. If we are hurt or threatened we have the right to fight back.

CLARK

Only in self defense. We can not allow frontier justice to exist in our society.

LARRY

Exactly. You don't sneak a gun into court and play executioner. You don't set fire to your husband's bed. Or even torch a crack house...and then do the talk show circuit.

MELISSA

I agree, but sometimes people have no other choice. The only power they have left is-

LARRY

Bull! It has nothing to do with power. Or self defense, it is violence!

-14-

CLARK

We pay taxes for cops. Their are always toll free numbers, shelters...

MELISSA

(rolls eyes)

Some victims don't trust the system! It has failed them. Of course vigilanteism or anything like that isn't right. But sometimes a women or a man is so used up they can't think straight. How can they be held accountable for their actions?

ROSE

Right. They fight back the only way they know how.

LARRY

Fight back? If your husband beats you and then falls asleep you leave and call the cops. You don't get a knife, lift up the covers and...and...

(line is too painful to say)

ROSE fights her shyness to bring herself to say this next line.

ROSE

I don't want to hear the "P" word again! You said it enough times in the car.

MELISSA

I'll scream if I hear that word. It's old news. (puts arm around Larry)

Why can't men just admit they don't have all the power.

CLARK

(sighs)

We're not talking about arson or plunging the knife repeatedly into someone's chest. Or slit throats out of jealousy here.

LARRY

(nods)

Of course women kill their husbands every day. And vice versa. They use guns, knifes, cars. Hire a hit man.

-15-

CLARK

(to Larry)

Or in your case, hire a divorce lawyer.

MELISSA

Ow, that was below the belt.

(smiles)

Pun accidental.

(to Rose)

Larry's wife used a chain saw on him.

ROSE

(mischievous grin)

Really?

CLARK

(puts arm around Rose)

Rose, remember what I told you a metaphor was?

(Rose nods like a good student)

LARRY

Hey, she left me with something! Listen, I'll agree some men deserve to lose their...

(pauses, afraid to say P word)

best friend. Someone found guilty of any degree of molestation may have it coming, the lose of a significant body part. Court ordered sterilization may be the answer.

CLARK

Yes, by using our justice system, however flawed. We can't keep creating tabloid heroes. Particularly concerning impulsive mutilation...

(he makes cutting

gesture, winces)

LARRY

That's all we're saying.

ROSE

Oh, God. When Mrs. Bobbitt talked to the other women in jail that night, she didn't have to use any metaphors, huh?

-16-

MELISSA

(laughs)

Why does it seem so funny. It really is disgusting, you know.

CLARK

Yes, after the jokes, it comes down to "truths." When is violence justified? When do we all have to take responsibility for our actions?

LARRY

She could have left the house and stolen anything of his

EXCEPT his best friend.

(to Rose)

And we ain't talking about his dog!

ROSE is intimidated but she makes an attempt to stand up to LARRY.

ROSE

Maybe they could invent a special drug. A kinda drug a women could slip into her husband's food, you know in gradual doses...

(pause)

MELISSA

(trying not to laugh)

Until eventually, one day it just falls off!

The women laugh hard, they high five each other. The men are not amused.

LARRY

Hey, that's not funny!

MELISSA

(barks like dog)

Ruff, ruff.

A cellular phone in LARRY'S belt begins to ring. He snatches it out like a gun slinger.

-17-

LARRY

(on phone)

Lawrence Tyrone...Well, how are ya darling?

(to others)

I've got to take this one.

(whispers)

Betty Maxwell. Of the Atlanta Maxwells and the Fortune 500.

LARRY anxiously slips outside to the porch to take this call. As LARRY talks, the other three continue socializing. The cabin door is open so each party can hear one another when they talk loud enough.

When there is action going on simultaneously in both spaces, usually the two parties are not interacting because to them there is a wall in the way. Their minor dialogue must appear to overlap. In between a character saying the written dialogue, the ones on the other side of wall must ad-lib talking quietly so they do not appear to be simply waiting for the focus to switch to their side of the wall.

LARRY is a gifted mimic, while talking to the high society southern women, he falls into an ever so slight feminine southern accent. Even his hand gestures become delicate.

LARRY

(on phone, being charming)

...Now dear, could you put your mother on now?...What? It is you? Why, I'm sorry, you have such a sweet phone voice. It's light as a feather, like a little girl. Oh, don't tell me your daughter is in her 40s, you look much too young!

CLARK

The women has chain smoked since World War Two.

(chain smoker)

First time she called me, I thought I was talking to a man.

LARRY

(covers phone)

(excited)

The Maxwell's just had their table delivered!

MELISSA

(sarcastic)

That really sounds exciting.

-18-

ROSE

You promised we'd be out of cell phone range.

CLARK

We're still close enough to the highway. The table is a priceless antique from France. Remember that couple that came by the firm last week, followed by an entourage?

ROSE

(nods)

Mrs. Maxwell didn't stop coughing the whole time.

LARRY

(on phone, excited)

Yes, Duncan Phyfe was heavily influenced by Thomas Sheraton!

ROSE

Who are those guys? Did I meet them too?

CLARK

They've been dead 200 years.

ROSE

What's that have to do with the Mall project?

MELISSA

Nothing. Mrs. Maxwell had been looking for a Louis the 16th. Larry's friends with an antique broker in Europe.

ROSE

He sure knows a lot of important people.

CLARK

Important dead people.

LARRY

(on phone)

I have got to see that table! Spanish mahogany? You're killing me!...How much? I'm sorry, but you're a thief. You stole it!

-19-

MELISSA

He said the table was poorly refinished and over priced.

CLARK

What a suck up.

(looks at watch, opens phone)

The tow service should be calling back for directions by now. I'm going to call the gas station.

(he makes a call)

ROSE

It's gonna get dark before long.

LARRY

(laughing on phone)

OK, then stop flirting with me and put your husband on...Oh, love you too.

CLARK (on phone)

Yes, I'm Carson, Clark Carson...No, I think I need a new radiator...I don't know cars very well...It's a '95 Lexus FC400 V6 with a custom-...What? Oh, I don't know much about how they run, I just know how to buy them...We're the ones off the highway on a private road...

LARRY

(on phone)

How are ya Martin?...I'm sure you know normally I would love to but I'm on a weekend trip with several of my co-workers...

Well, actually this is really neither a vacation nor business trip. It's a weekend employee retreat our firm goes on every year. Around here it's as traditional as Christmas...No, but his son Clark Jr. is...

Certainly.

LARRY sticks his head into the room.

LARRY

(covers phone)

(regular voice)

Clark, do you know if escrow closed on the Henderson property this afternoon?

-20-

CLARK, still on phone, shrugs and shakes his head at LARRY.

LARRY

(covering phone)

Maxwell wants the numbers. Melissa?!

LARRY

Melissa, numbers? Clark?

CLARK waves LARRY off. MELISSA makes a face at LARRY.

CLARK

(on phone getting impatient) No, no. It's past the Minimart...Of course the exit isn't marked, so no one will rip

off our cabins...Yes, I'm one of "those" Carsons...What do you mean "that explains it all?" No the Carson with the Jag XJS is my father, he has no taste in cars! Oh, you've been by our cabin?...Well, I suppose it looks more like a ski lodge, than a cabin. But Dad bought it for next to nothing in 1957. Zero points. Five percent fixed.

LARRY

(on phone, polite as can be)

Excuse me for a moment.

(covers phone, rude as can be)

THEY WANT NUMBERS

they're rich, so

I NEED NUMBERS!

MELISSA groans at LARRY, then pulls her cell phone out of her purse.

MELISSA

I can call and find out.

CLARK

(into phone)

Could you please hang on?

(to Melissa)

Melissa wait, you'll be on the phone to Doris for 20 minutes.

MELISSA

So, I'm on vacation!

-21-

CLARK

(covers phone)

I understand, but first I need you to try get hold of my Dad again.

MELISSA

There are mountains in the way.

His car is out of range.

CLARK

(covers phone)

Call the landline at the cabin.

See if they got there yet and if someone can come drive back here and pick us up. The station's towing service is so slow I think they use a team of oxen. He's got this "attitude" about working on luxury cars.

(back on phone)

What?

MELISSA

OK, I'll call your Dad first.

(dials phone)

LARRY

(covering receiver)

No, no, me first!

ROSE has been calmly sitting watching their frantic pace. Like watching a ping pong game.

MELISSA

You've got something brown on your nose. Wipe it off!

(into phone)

Hello, Bob...this is Melissa, you guys made it!...Can you get old man Carson on the line?...Thanks.

LARRY

(covers phone)

Wait a minute. My brown nose is just getting warmed up. This is Martin Maxwell here!

(whispers)

Who just spent as much money on a used piece of furniture than I make in a year. And you know I make a lot of money in a year.

MELISSA sticks out her tongue at LARRY and waits for someone to come back on her phone line.

-22-

LARRY

(covers phone, begs)

Melissa, Clark?

LARRY groans at MELISSA. CLARK sighs, takes out his car keys and waves them in front of ROSE.

CLARK

(on phone)

Hang on.

(covers phone)

Rose, be a lamb and use my car phone to call Doris at Innermarket and see if the Henderson deal was put to bed before the weekend started.

(southern accent)

Larry needs the final numbers.

MELISSA

(on phone, very authoritative)

No cordless? What do you mean, no cordless phone?...So the phone can't come to him! He's in his 60s, but he can still walk! He can remember the olden

days when you would have to actually get up and walk to the phone! You act as if I'm asking you to ride a pony across three states in the snow to deliver a God damn letter! Get him to come to the phone right now!

ROSE

(laughs under breath)

On "Green Acres" they'd have to climb up the telephone pole.

MELISSA

(suddenly not angry)

God, I remember that.

(laughs)

I'm picturing's Clark's dad up on a telephone pole.

CLARK

(covers phone, waves keys)

Please, Rose. I'll buy you a farm in Hooterville.

ROSE (to Clark)

Sure, just do me a favor, and don't ever buy me one of those phones! And don't talk about my hooters!

-23-

ROSE grabs the keys and starts out the front door, she passes LARRY on the porch.

LARRY

(covers phone)

No wonder you never activated the one I gave you. And everyone talks about your hooters.

ROSE

(gives Larry a blank look)

I'll be right back.

As ROSE walks past LARRY, he pats her on the back, like she is a little kid.

MELISSA

(into phone)

Hello, Clark the first!...Well, did we tell Clark the second not to buy a Lexus?

MELISSA slips into the bedroom to talk, leaving the

door open.

CLARK

Hey!...Yes, I'll hold, but hurry

up.

MELISSA

(off stage in bedroom,

on phone laughing)

It just started smoking when we got off the highway! Clark started balling!

CLARK

My eyes were watering from my allergies!

LARRY

(on phone)

I'm sorry Martin. I've got someone checking...Now how did you know it was that pretty little brunette at the front desk?...Yes she is, isn't she? Oh, what she can do to a dress!...Actually we haven't made it up to the Carson's cabin...Well, I suppose it is more like a small hotel than a cabin in terms of size...

DOC+--d--FBB

-24-

CLARK

(back on phone)

...Why are you getting mad at me? It's not my fault I drive a Lexus!...

(line directed at Melissa)

Everyone told me I should buy a Lexus!...Why are you cussing at me? I'm going to give you lots of money! You can buy yourself a 12 pack and go to the bowling alley on a date with your cousin!

LARRY

(on phone)

Our car began overheating. We barely made it to some else's cabin along the way. No one was home so we snuck in, we're seeking refuge in it until a tow truck comes...Refuge from the wild Indians that still live up here.

CLARK

(on phone)

What do you mean "whose fault is it?" Well yes... Of course I

picked out the color. I ordered a special-...I'm going to have to have your name...Jerry, Jerry, you have an excellent point! Look, I'm sorry. I just can't stand it when things break down.

MELISSA

(still on phone, pokes head in)

Your father wants to know how you broke into the Montgomerys' Cabin?

CLARK

Hang on Jerry.

(covers phone)

Tell him I used a sledge hammer!

MELISSA slips back into bedroom.

-25-

LARRY

(On phone, laughing, charming)

Yes, we do this every year. We stay up all night and ask what we expect of the firm. What the firm expects of us. We're supposed to be honest, to bare our souls to provide a better working climate. As if any of us still had a soul after moving commercial property through three recessions. Ha, ha.

MELISSA comes in from the bedroom and folds up her phone.

CLARK

(on phone)

Listen Jerry, again I'm sorry, ...Tell you what, I'll let

you take it for a spin, promise.

OK, I'll be calling back. Thanks guy.

(hangs up)

Damn radiator. You know we all are like human radiators waiting to overheat...I feel a poem coming on.

CLARK sings a song he makes up on the spot.

CLARK

(singing)

He was a gladiator.

Who had a broken radiator

All the Roman's told him not to buy a Lexus. They said "you don't need to impress us."

MELISSA

(not amused by Clark)

What is going to happen?

CLARK

They don't know if they'll be able to get a truck out tonight. What did Dad say?

MELISSA

We were the last car load. They've been at your cabin for a while now, the phone was unplugged. He says the road up ahead is in real bad shape from the spring runoff.

-26-

LARRY

(sucks up on phone)

Yes, of course I'll hold.

(barks question)

Are we stuck here!?

CLARK

(to Melissa)

Can someone come pick us up?!

MELISSA

They're all drinking, your Dad's trying to find someone to come get us.

LARRY

(on hold, sips drink)

Or else the spirits of wild

Indians are going to come get us!

(he laughs to himself)

MELISSA

That Larry, this mountain air makes him obsessed. Soon as we got up here he started talking to invisible Indians!

CLARK

Duh, ghost are supposed to be invisible. You can see right through some people!

(points to Larry,

laughs to himself)

MELISSA

On the phone I heard singing in the background.

CLARK

And me a well known singer, stuck here!

LARRY

You're well known at being stuck as a bad singer!

CLARK

Why in college I was...

LARRY

A liberal arts major!

CLARK

What do you know about appreciating the arts?

-27-

LARRY

Ask me any question?

(sings)

During my college years I...

CLARK

Oh, you've only memorized all there is to know about the arts. But I never heard of the business department at Stanford putting on a musical!

LARRY

Nonetheless, I was offered the lead in "The Desert Song." (sings a few bars, loud)

MELISSA

(impressed)

Lar. When I say you've wasted your career in real estate, I'm not kidding.

(gives Clark a look)

CLARK

But he has no feeling for the words.

(kidding to Larry)

They only needed such a loud voice because it was so long ago

microphones hadn't been invented!

MELISSA

Stop it. What are we going to do?

LARRY

(back on phone)

Well, of course I'm still here.

CLARK

They're trying to find me a new radiator...This guy Jerry had to keep reminding me how "stuck up" "certain type of car owners" are. As if I of all people didn't know.

MELISSA

Try driving a new Mercedes

CLARK

I did.

-28-

MELISSA

If you call a 190E a Mercedes. All the mechanics always ask what my husband does for a living. He collects my alimony checks! Jeez...

CLARK

Do I detect a superior attitude? Years ago didn't you tell me you'd never let your self become a snob like me?

MELISSA

What? I was 30 before I bought my first new car. Unlike you.

CLARK

You're lucky. Prior to your promotions, you were insulated by being middle class. You were never poor, AND you didn't have to grow up around stuck up people like I did.

MELISSA

You have a screw loose, do you know that?

She steps toward him, her finger against her nose and pushes it up and turns away for a beat. CLARK copies her same move and gesture.

CLARK

Luxury car owners generally work with and hence have to look at other stuck up luxury car owners.

MELISSA

(offended)

Speak for yourself!

CLARK

Let's tell the TRUTH!

(raises pointer finger in air)

Melissa, what happened last month when Shari set her CLOTH purse on your shinny car? For 30 seconds?

MELISSA

The purse had a metal clasp on it! Well, it could have...If...

(she catches herself being

a prude, Clark laughs)

-29-

CLARK

You've got so much wax on that car, it's bullet proof. TRUTH!

MELISSA

Lord help me, Clark, since I've made partner I HAVE become one of YOU! I said I'd never let it happen.

(looks at her ring)

Oh, no diamonds.

(looks at watch)

Not a real Cartier?

(acts trapped)

I thought they were fake? My God, HELP ME!

LARRY (covers phone)

What's going on?!

CLARK

(calls to Larry)

Remember when she first joined the company? She drove her dad's old Volvo, her college car. Never washed it. Now there is never a time when you can't see yourself in her Mercedes!

MELISSA

(yells out into the

woods from doorway)

OH, GOD, I'M RICH, HELP ME!

LARRY is annoyed that she was so loud. He closes the cabin door.

CLARK

Shhh - we aren't all millionaires exactly. We're all simply quite comfortable, and only because of the type of folks Larry is wooing.

(points to Larry's phone call)

(pause)

Why can't my old man Carson come get us?

MELISSA

You're dad was slurring his words.

CLARK

Great. He only drinks one weekend a year, so he gets tipsy mighty fast.

-30-

MELISSA

He said something about someone dancing on table tops. Wish I was there.

CLARK

If you were dancing on a table top, I'd keep feeding you large bills.

MELISSA

(sighs)

(uncomfortable by remark)

I was planning on having fun tonight.

CLARK

This is supposed to be a workshop weekend. Not all wine and song. A time to talk honestly and "expose our GREED."

MELISSA

Ha! This is the tenth summer I've done this. We don't reveal secrets and barely discuss office policy, everybody drinks.

We talk about playing truth or dare. But all we do is yell out "TRUTH!"

CLARK

Oh, we do dares, secrets get revealed. But the next morning no one remembers. They end up waking up NAKED and next to someone they thought was only their friend.

MELISSA

You guys never change.

10 years! Jeez.

CLARK

What?

MELISSA

Larry is in his 40s and he still tries to get all the office workers in bed.

CLARK

Bed? He prefers to use the top of his desk.

-31-

MELISSA

(sighs)

When he was younger and thinner he did carve a lot of notches on the side of that desk.

CLARK

You think he carved those?

They were done by high heeled shoes whacking against it!...

You should have seen Lar during my first retreat. I was still in high school, but Dad let me go. 1977, Larry's room was like a revolving door. Man, there was this one new secretary,

(day dreams)

Cindy and she had the most-

MELISSA

(angry)

Clark! My first day at Carson/

Tyrone, I pull up in my old Volvo. And I hear about how you lost your virginity to "Disco Cindy." And then how she never came back to work because she ran off with a one legged lumber jack!

CLARK wipes his eyes pretending to be emotionally wounded by the memories of the incident.

CLARK

It's a true story!

(pause)

Why are you on my case so much lately? Why did you even want to ride up here with Rose and me?

MELISSA

Larry asked me too.

CLARK

Larry can joke around and you don't go off on him.

(pause)

What do I do that offends you?

MELISSA

You're always all over the secretaries. Every time there's a new one. You're worse than Larry.

-32-

CLARK

They're my friends!

MELISSA

The first thing people learn is your father is senior partner. THEN they're your friend. Like you're "friends" with Jerry at the gas station after telling him he dates his cousin?

CLARK

I'm sure his cousin is a very attractive woman.

MELISSA

People are using you.

CLARK

I've had my way with plenty of girls who didn't know about my father. Or my trust fund.

MELISSA

College car?

CLARK

I had an old car. Old.

MELISSA

TRUTH!

CLARK

A '56 Corvette was old. I can't be friends with anyone but partners?

MELISSA

And Rose is just your friend?

CLARK

Yes.

MELISSA

Has she always "just been your friend?"

CLARK

Has Larry "always just been your friend?" Even back in the '80s when you were both married to other people?

MELISSA

Our fling was 10 years ago.

-33-

CLARK

"Fling" is a good word. The janitor complained Larry's desk left skid marks on the floor!

MELISSA

Clark! Jeez, why does Lar have tell you everything?

CLARK

(takes a breath)

Had you even talked to Rose before this trip? Truth.

MELISSA

Not really. She seemed so shy and simple. When I'd see her wearing those snappy outfits I thought she was trying to compensate for something.

CLARK

She's a great shopper, she never wears anything too risque!

MELISSA

I know, but she looked so darn barbie-doll cute! How was I supposed to know she had a personality?

CLARK

By talking to her!

MELISSA

That's what I'm doing now.

(sighs, smiles)

Tell you the truth, I'm looking forward to getting to know her.

CLARK

There. Rose is adorable. Sometimes people can connect without there being money or sex involved.

MELISSA

(doesn't believe it)

Really when?

CLARK

Well, I read it happened once.

-34-

While LARRY is on the phone he opens the door to the cabin to see what Rose and Clark are doing. He makes faces at them then leaves the door open.

LARRY

(on phone)

Oh, you don't have to look it up. Ask me, I practically have a photographic memory when it comes to history....Let me think...1770 was when Louis the 16th came to power...

MELISSA

Oh, no he's accessing that memory chip he had implanted in his brain!

CLARK

His recall is uncanny, you know.

You'd think all the alcohol would have erased his disks by now.

MELISSA

(laughs)

Listen kiddo, I've just been stressed. I can't be a free spirit like you. I've got two kids, a mortgage and an ex husband who won't go back to work.

(pause)

CLARK

You know Disco Cindy still lives up here with her husband.

MELISSA

(skeptical)

What, you've seen them?

CLARK

No, but they leave very distinctive foot prints.

MELISSA

(laughs)

I suppose lately I have been on your case.

(she smiles)

But Clark, it's just so easy to do.

He put his hand on her shoulder, she moves away, but she is friendly.

-35-

LARRY

(into phone)

Yes, she was his wife. They both got their heads sliced off! Whishh!...Ha, ha, ha.

MELISSA

(changing subject)

Is he talking about Marie Antoinette?

CLARK

Yes, and he's happy she got axed. He hates anything from the Seize Period. Calls it

(stuck up accent)

"pre-revolution clutter."

LARRY

(one phone)

No, no, in 1793 the Empire Period started with Napoleon. But the taking of the Bastille was four years earlier...

Ah, the little brunette is back please hold on, my good man.

ROSE enters porch and walks up to LARRY. She is holding some files. A piece of paper falls out and she quickly bends over and picks it up.

LARRY

(covers phone)

You looked lovely bending over like that. Were you giving me a show?

ROSE

(sighs, hands him paper)

Here. The Henderson deal went through this afternoon.

LARRY

(winks at her)

Thanks, you're a darling.

(Larry gets back on phone)

Hello. I got the numbers in front of me, sir.

ROSE takes some paperwork inside to CLARK. LARRY whips out a pocket computer and starts to crunch numbers.

-36-

MELISSA

Thanks a lot, Rose. Can you believe Larry's long line of bull when he starts talking to old money?

CLARK

Yeah, and he doesn't even like

17th century Rococo ornamentation.

MELISSA rolls her eyes and yawns at CLARK.

ROSE

But, Larry is rich too isn't he?

MELISSA

Oh, yes, he does quite well. But he's not super rich.

CLARK

He's only half as rich thanks to his divorce a few years ago. His wife took a human vacuum to the cleaners.

ROSE

Metaphor!

MELISSA

He makes deals with millionaire land developers and investors by pretending to be interested in their wive's hobbies.

ROSE

Do you guys remember Gilligan's island?

MELISSA

You kidding, I loved that show.

(looks at Clark)

Back when TV wasn't below me.

CLARK

(not really paying attention)

We're stranded in this cabin, just like them!

ROSE

If Larry was on Gilligan's Island he wouldn't even talk to Ginger or Mary Ann, would he? Oh, he'd pat their butts when they walked by, but he'd spend

all his time at the Howell's hut!

-37-

(both girls laugh)

MELISSA

(Mr. Howell)

Lovey, get me the Henderson file under the coconut.

CLARK

What is this? Make fun of rich people day?

MELISSA

Day? After the '80s it's a decade-long event!

ROSE

(puts arm around Clark)

Starring you!

MELISSA laughs and exists to porch. She looks at LARRY

and makes kissy faces at him for sucking up.

LARRY

(on phone)

Well, then Monday evening it is...Oh, of course I'll behave myself this weekend.

(looks at Melissa)

I can't help it if the firm hires only beautiful women. Lovely, intelligent, yet they are all just so promiscuous...

(he laughs)

Very well. So long.

(he puts phone away)

MELISSA closes the cabin door from the outside. She then throws herself at LARRY in an exaggerated way.

MELISSA

Oh, Lar, take me!

LARRY

(melodramatic)

I'm sorry I respect you just too darn much.

LARRY and MELISSA sit down outside and have ad-lib chit-chat. Inside ROSE hands CLARK the paper work.

ROSE

Here. Doris at Innermarket put Stan

on, Stan says he'll fax you the

contract tomorrow afternoon. You

promised not to bring a fax, but I'll

bet you did pack a fax didn't you?

-38-

CLARK

Yes, I packed a fax. Thanks, Rose. I warned you we'd have to make a few phone calls.

ROSE

You said your family's cabin has just one phone line. And-

CLARK

It does. And be lucky we're still

in cell phone range now. Why are you

acting so uncomfortable?

ROSE

Sometimes I'm just shy.

CLARK

Relax. No more work for you, I promise. Just because I had to drag you here, doesn't mean it won't be fun.

ROSE

It's just you guys with all your gadgets, and talking about deals. I figure I can hold my own when I get with Kim and Shari.

CLARK

You have more integrity than most people at the office. I want you to learn to stand up for yourself.

LARRY pours MELISSA a fresh drink. As they have quiet small talk, LARRY laughs loudly at something.

ROSE

Larry has such a foul mouth.

CLARK

Well, so do I.

ROSE

It's different.

CLARK

How?

ROSE

You're my friend.

-39-

CLARK

Larry is always like this, you know that.

ROSE

We're not at the office, this is my free time. It's a voluntary trip.

CLARK

Larry doesn't really bother you that much does he?

ROSE

(lying)

No...It's just that he...

CLARK is not looking at her, he is glancing at files. He cuts her off before she can talk.

CLARK

Good, because he's the one that kept us above water during the recession. He's got a rain dance like no one else.

ROSE

Those people aren't really his friends...Look, I'm just a little put off, you guys quote poetry. Talk about novels I've never heard of. Larry is a world expert on everything.

CLARK

That's why I always change the subject to the thing you're a "world expert" on. You could write a novel about your sex life.

ROSE

Are you trying to start trouble?

CLARK

I mean, you could fill the first volume alone about your high school experiences!

ROSE

(threatening smile)

Oh, you are going to get it again Mister Carson.

CLARK

Really, when?

-4O-

ROSE reaches in the ice chest and grabs a handful office and tries to stick it down CLARK'S back. They are both giggling.

CLARK

(being a baby)

Rose, no, not the ice!

CLARK runs outside, ROSE chases him all the way offstage past MELISSA and LARRY. The lights dim out.

END OF SCENE ONE.

SCENE TWO:

Lights come back up. Several minutes have passed. It is now totally dark outside, but the moon and porch light illuminate the porch. CLARK has been outside on his phone. He folds phone and enters. LARRY, MELISSA and ROSE are eating snack food and drinking.

LARRY

(reciting poetry)

...A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch, And blue spurt of a lighted match, And a voice less loud, through its joys and fears, Then the two hearts beating each to each!

CLARK

(putting away phone)

Well, we are trapped here. Did you just make that up, Larry?

LARRY

Be serious, you imbecile, that was Robert Browning.

CLARK

He died 1889. That means he's dead...OK, they found a new radiator for me. They'll be someone out here tomorrow to put it in.

MELISSA

Ah, what about us?

CLARK

They refuse to send someone out at night on a narrow road in bad condition. Insurance, you know. I called two cab companies. They said they wouldn't take a private road that far either.

-41-

LARRY

(sighs)

Did you have tell them the truth about the road?

ROSE

How are we going to get to your Dad's cabin?

CLARK

I called Dad again. They're all in "bad condition" and the road would be dangerous in the dark without a four by four. First thing in the morning someone will come get us.

ROSE

We're supposed to spend the night in this little place?

LARRY

You said you liked it.

MELISSA

Couldn't we pay a four wheel drive tow truck to drive us in?

LARRY

If we could they'd only have room for two and it would take hours.

ROSE

Couldn't we walk? You've got a flash light in your car.

CLARK

It's too far.

LARRY

Did you call the owners of this place?

CLARK

(nods)

Dad found their number. Old Mister Montgomery understood about our car trouble.

ROSE

He's not mad you broke into his cabin?

DOC+--d--FBB

-42-

CLARK

Naw, he owes my dad favors. He said we're welcome. There's dirty sheets on the bed and a couple sleeping bags and blankets in the closet.

LARRY

Did you tell him how you saw him and his wife naked 20 years ago?

CLARK

(grinning)

I started to. I said Sir, I want you to know-

MELISSA

Do we really have to spend the night here?

CLARK

Can you think of another choice?

ROSE

There's only two rooms.

LARRY

Boys in this room, girls in the bedroom. No hanky panky allowed. Of course I do have a problem with somnambulism.

(to Rose)

That means sleep walking.

CLARK

Come on, it'll be fun.

LARRY

We all always stay up most the night talking anyway. Won't you have even one drink Rose?

ROSE

I told you I don't drink.

(to Melissa)

Well, I guess you and I can double up on that big bed in there.

ROSE starts to go into bedroom with MELISSA.

LARRY

Hey, no hanky panky between you two.

-43-

MELISSA

It's you two we've got to worry about!

(to Larry)

I saw the way you were looking at Clark's butt.

LARRY

(to Clark)

Never again. He's the most demanding lover I've ever had!

Let's get the suit cases sweetheart.

CLARK

(chain smoking voice)

Anything, as long as you buy me a cartoon of cigarettes.

MELISSA and ROSE go into the bedroom. CLARK and LARRY go out onto porch. They stop at the deck and look out into the woods.

LARRY

(stops, smells the air)

I'm in no rush...Ah, splendorous. I should buy some property up here...If I could ever make peace with the ghosts of the Miwok warriors.

CLARK

Larry, did you hear Melissa say I had a nice butt?

LARRY

(talking to the night)

I admit Great Spirits it was I who was responsible for your ancient burial ground being bulldozed! By the iron heel of progress, an upper end lake front housing project!

(calls to woods)

TAKE MY SOUL!

(snaps back)

Melissa didn't say you had a nice butt!

CLARK

Well, not really, but the fact is she did mentioned my butt.

LARRY

And you thought she was going to ignore you all weekend.

-44-

CLARK

Haven't you noticed her ignoring me since her divorce.

LARRY

Since she made partner?

CLARK

Don't you think I've made it seem obvious?

LARRY

What is it with this crush you have on her? You knew her for years before you cared.

CLARK

I was always fond of her. But she was married.

LARRY

A ring don't hold up the panties, brother.

CLARK

That's what you taught me. But...

LARRY

Come on, sport. Don't start getting noble on me.

LARRY and CLARK walk off the porch toward the car.

ROSE and MELISSA come out of bedroom. They plop a couple sleeping bags and blankets down.

ROSE

(not happy with bedding)

Did these blankets, like belong to an old gold miner a 100 years ago?

MELISSA

His mule...Does our being stuck in this little place really bother you?

ROSE

Melissa, I grew up in a trailer park. With three older brothers who's combined weight is around a thousand pounds! I'm used to small spaces and hearing obnoxious men sing.

-45-

MELISSA

Do you sing, Rose?

ROSE

I was in the church choir for a million years.

MELISSA

Are you very religious?

ROSE

In my own way. But I had it with our church.

MELISSA

Why's that?

ROSE

I had "premarital sex."

MELISSA

You didn't!

ROSE

They kept telling me so often, that if I had sex just one time I would "rot in hell." And I knew they never seem to warn you about staying away from things that are boring. I began to look forward to it.

MELISSA

Having sex for the first time?

ROSE

(smiles)

No, rotting in hell!...Not really. But when I was 17 I met a boy. Wow.

(pats heart)

MELISSA

What did he look like?

ROSE

Like Tom Cruise's better looking twin on steroids.

MELISSA

I want to hear all about it!

-46-

ROSE

(yawns)

The most boring 10 minutes of my life! If you're going to rot in hell forever, it oughta be for something exciting!

MELISSA

(laughs)

When I was 17 I was ready for the devil! You don't think sex is boring anymore, do you?

ROSE

Well, I met another boy a month later when I was working as a cashier at a video store...

(Melissa urges her on)

Let me say I rented him over night...and ended up keeping him for two years!

MELISSA

(laughs)

We didn't have VHS or VCRs, no MTV when I started. In the 70s we'd never even heard of "safe sex." The only initials I used was an IUD.

ROSE

I've never once done it without a condom! And believe me I've now done it more than once.

MELISSA

Did you really grow up living in trailer?

ROSE

Yeah, but it was a double wide. My brothers are huge. Two of them work as bouncers.

MELISSA

Oh, your brothers taught you self defense moves?

ROSE

Yeah, but they'd never let me fight. They used to beat up a guy for just for looking at me.

MELISSA

My brother is a wimp, so is my dad.

-47-

The girls hear CLARK off in the distance. CLARK is arguing with LARRY, but he is not that serious yet.

CLARK

(off stage)

Yes, you did! You've always tried to run my life!

LARRY

(off stage singing)

Maybe it's not enough...

MELISSA

(reacts to hearing them)

You know I've spent all my life with men. Always men friends at work. Maybe that's why I'm so forceful...I've spent so

little time just hanging out with the girls. That's what this trip is for. We've worked together for over a year haven't we?

ROSE

Almost two.

LARRY and CLARK come back to the porch with the luggage.

LARRY

(singing)

Will I ever, will I ever fall in love.

CLARK

(middle of argument)

Just listen, all I said was I might be changing, you don't have to.

LARRY

Married women ask for less. They are also safer when it comes to catching anything.

(bags in hand)

Yo, open zee door!

MELISSA

(yells through door)

Come back in a few minutes, were changing!

(to Rose)

We deserve time to chat without having to deal with their mouths.

-48-

LARRY and CLARK drop the bags and hang out on the porch.

LARRY

Hurry up! Clark is changing too and it's scary!

CLARK

Why? So now I think I want to be married someday. I want trust. Melissa thinks I'm as big as a scoundrel with women as you.

LARRY

You tried to be!

CLARK

It was a show. I want a steady relationship. Melissa simply will not look at the real me. You said you'd help me with her.

LARRY

I will. Now that Rose, she is one tough nut to crack. She keeps acting like she doesn't like me, but I know she does.

CLARK

Larry, you're 20 years older than she is!

LARRY

I was dating a girl her age last summer. All I had to do was buy her a bunch of-

CLARK

Rose doesn't care about money. She insists on paying for half where ever we go.

(reaches in bag)

Here, I finally got last years pictures developed.

CLARK hands LARRY part of a stack on snap shots.

MELISSA

I should have made an effort to talk to you before. I thought you were so shy.

-49-

ROSE

Well, I can be. I guess when you come from a large, loud family like me, it's hard to get a word in edgewise.

(reacts to Larry being

loud outside)

LARRY

What does that mean?! Hey, busterbrown, I didn't start out with money. Holes in my shoes and I still had a harem...

(gets quieter)

Rose always smiles, gives me a nod when no one's looking, like she doesn't want anyone else to know.

CLARK

Maybe she's not your type. I don't know if I should have asked Rose to ride with us.

LARRY

Do you believe what she said about reading the Bible?

CLARK

(nods)

She's a spiritual person. Oh, she has had her fun, but she's the get married forever type.

LARRY

I don't want to marry her! I was married for 11 years...I wanted it to be forever.

CLARK

You cheated on Stella the day after your honeymoon!

ROSE

Sure, but, you know in so many ways I've already moved up. I was raised by a mother who complained all day long about not having money to pay the bills. She never worked, so she would have all day long to complain...I learned how to save money. All my girl friends were

pregnant by 21, except me. I got

a nice car, my own big apartment.

-50-

MELISSA

What kind of car do you have? Have I seen it?

ROSE

I'm not going to tell you!

LARRY

Why do I tell you everything.

Since you were 12 years old. "Uncle Larry, what bosoms are like?"...Ah, remember the one year my wife insisted on coming up here with us?

CLARK

1987. My Vett got stuck in the

mud and I had a nervous breakdown.

LARRY

No, it was '89, you were going through your BMW stage. That year I realized how much I loved that woman.

CLARK

Stella was something. Maybe if you hadn't always cheated on her.

LARRY

Oh, I wasn't talking about loving my wife. I was talking

about the old office manager, Kelly.

CLARK

You did Kelly?!

MELISSA

A Toyota Corola is a perfectly fine car!

ROSE

C'mon. This is Reveal Your Secrets Weekend. TRUTH!

MELISSA

That is the truth! Rose, lighten up. My parents drive a Toyota Tercel!

ROSE

Sorry. I can be prejudiced too, huh? And a - what's the word?

-51-

MELISSA

Hypocrite?

ROSE

(nods)

I'm just saying I like a simple life. Who needs Louie the 16th when you can get great used furniture for free from your Uncle Louie down the street!

LARRY

I really did love Stella. The way she tried so hard to keep me in line that weekend. Up here she had this...this look of forever on her face...Before I got generations of dead Miwok warriors mad at me.

(peeks over shoulder

into the night)

CLARK

You're a kook! The firm was exonerated. The Forest Service got their records mixed up.

LARRY

As if ghosts really bother to take the time to trace through miles of government red tape to find out whom to haunt. I gave the green light to develop the wrong lake fr